journey

AMAZON WARRIOR PRINCESS

~ taytertalks ~ 3 Comments

Due to a Facebook tag of some mutual friends, I saw an ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend on a trip together.  This was a relationship that ended badly.  Like, SO bad.  I’m pretty sure (I know actually) that he hates me and pretty much wishes he had never met me.  We were together off and on for almost three years.  I hurt him and I burned some serious bridges with people while we were together.  Friends were lost.  People were hurt.  Choices were made.  But you know what?  At one point, I loved him.  We were friends.  It was fun and beautiful.  Our time was a time full of so many moments.

The ugly and the beautiful.

I had a lot of dreams when we were together.  Dreams I never pursued.  Dreams I never believed I could do.  Dreams that terrified me.  I was stuck.

I’m not proud of a lot of the choices I made during those three years.  “When you love someone, you don’t hurt them or make them feel awful.”  I remember him telling me that once.  Now, I know your mind is racing with ideas of what happened, so let me say that I never cheated on him.  But I never let him fully love me, and that can be the same thing if not worse.  Truth be told, I never loved myself enough to be strong.  I wish I would have loved myself sooner because then I could have let him go.  I held on so tightly to what we once had that I suffocated the life out of our relationship.  It needed to end.  But it was hard.  It was messy.  It was ugly and beautiful due to its necessity.

Okay, you’re probably like, what the fuck is the point of this story?!  Why are you bringing up a relationship that was SO terrible and ended almost two years ago and what does this have to do with anything!?

So, I have wanted to be in the fitness industry for so many years.  I remember my friend Chris Daly telling me once (okay, a THOUSAND times) that I was an AMAZON WARRIOR PRINCESS and I just needed to realize it for myself.  He is who really planted the seed of endless possibilities and strength inside this strong body of mine.  But I never believed that I was capable.  I was afraid.

11235442_843482332410969_1301078866029656870_n

Fitness is hard.  Your body is quick to point out your weaknesses and you have to push yourself past the place of fear, and truly believe that you are capable.  It’s a mental game.  I’ve had gym memberships, trained and prepped for fitness competitions, placed in fitness competitions, participated in Zumba and bootcamps.  I’ve had personal trainers and done YouTube workouts.  Oh, and yoga (my nemisis)…and most recenly I found Crossfit.  I LOVE FITNESS.  I love what it teaches me every single day.  It has made me strong and it’s a part of me that I lost in that relationship.  I stopped loving and choosing myself first.

I am choosing to be unstoppable.

During every workout, I am challenged every day to face my fears.  Look my demons in the face and say NO!  My imperfections and weaknesses remind me of what I used to be.  But you know what?  I’m not that girl anymore.  I’m not afraid.  I’m strong. It’s taken me 7 years to get to this place and it is a never ending battle that I refuse to lose.

I AM CAPABLE.

I have accepted an internship at Crossfit Train.  I start in two weeks.

HELL YES.

 

So it begins…again

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

Back in 2012 (if my memory hasn’t failed me), my boyfriend at the time set up a blog for me.  He knew that I wanted a platform to share my journey of self discovery with the world.  I thought it was so cute that he had “heard” me through all of our talks about my life goals, but I never touched the thing.  Not once.

I grew up dreaming about being famous, being heard.

baby tay walking on a ledge

It was as if that was the only thing that would bring significance to my life.  FAME.  It sounds so dirty when you think of it that way.  Significance.  I was certain, at the wise age of 10 years old, that if I just met Devin Sawa or Jonathan Taylor Thomas that they would fall in love with me and I would be set for life.  Looking back, I’m now less surprised as this point that I switched majors in college and studied Theatre Arts.  Always chasing significance and attention.

*Only child alert*

On the Verge

My point of all this is that this blog is not for seeking or attention or significance.  Maybe that’s why it’s taken me all these years to get started (and I’m still figuring out what that’s going to look like). It’s for sharing stories of triumph and failure.  It’s about growth, challenges and discovery.  It’s about goals, love, life, food and family.  It’s about friendship and being there for one another.

I am significant.  We all are.  This is about recognizing all the moments.

#TALYYOURMOMENTS

This is your time.

 

 

.Defeat.

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

It happened.

The feeling.

DEFEAT.

Last night I stayed after work for a Happy Hour meet and greet event.  I had come off of a long 24 hours of traveling and dealing with the loss of someone dear.  I had three glasses of wine and was feeling great.  I mean, wine always makes me feel great.  Until the next morning when my head is pounding.

I got home around 8:30 pm and realized I was starving.  So I did what any normal person who is kinda drunk and dealing with food and body image issues would do.  I ate the rest of the ice cream in the fridge and ordered a pizza.  Okay, okay…I also ordered the parmesan bread bites.

As I sat on my couch, dipping my slices into the garlic butter included in my order, I started to think and be aware of how my body was feeling.   Sure, that pizza was AMAZING.  But I began to feel the grease on my face and fingers, the folds of my stomach over my comfy pants.  I began to realize how sad and weak and alone I felt in that moment but that each bite was filling me with a temporary sense of purpose and comfort.  But then the slice was gone and I was on to the next.

It wasn’t until I spilled the container of garlic butter on one of my throw pillows that I realized I was lost.  I was sad.  I was unhappy.  I had lost my purpose and was no longer celebrating my moments.  I had not had any victories.  I had not set and crushed any goals.  I also realized that my stomach hurt and I had a huge piece of pineapple stuck in my teeth.  It’s cool.  I was eating alone.

I woke up late this morning and I looked at my phone to realize I had 10 minutes to get up and get my ass to my workout.  I made a mini goal to make it because I had made a mini goal to get 4 workouts in this week.  I was 10 minutes late and had to do 40 burpees, but I made it.

I also reached out to a few friends to find support with my recent bout of depression after being assaulted.  But that’s a whole other post.

#goalsbeingcrushed

I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed 153 pounds.

It’s just a number.

It’s.  Just.  A.  Number.

find your HAPPY place

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

Selecting a fitness program can be really overwhelming, especially when you’re new to the workout scene.  I’ve tried many forms of exercise.  From the elliptical at the gym, The Firm at-home workout videos, Zumba…I’ve tried almost everything and I’m here to help.

11428480_1149818908377390_35660515016467918_n

Finding your fitness groove is personal to the individual and it’s important to know what you’re looking for and for you to be comfortable.  I’m here to share some of my favorite programs, but this article, from Fitness Magazine, could also help you determine what style is for you.  Keep in mind, I’m not a doctor.  Please talk to your doctor before beginning any fitness program.

THE AT HOME WORKOUT

The Firm & Tone It Up

When I was in college, my mom and I both ordered The Firm workout plans from an infomercial.  We followed their fitness plan, and together, lost almost 30lbs.  That was back in the early 2000’s and times are a changing!  I still use their DVD’s when I’m in a pinch, and although they are a bit old school…they do the job.  They get me sweating!

More recently, I fell in love with the Tone It Up girls, Katrina and Karena.  Last year I completed their Bikini Series and it’s back!  Their newsletter is free and they have tons of free workouts online.  They also have a YouTube channel and you can complete any of their workouts on the go!  I splurged and bought their Nutrition Plan and their Beach Babe 2 DVD.  The girls are hilarious and their bodies are BANGIN!  Not only do they motivate me to put down the pizza and workout, but I also want to be their best friend.  Check them out!

BOOTCAMP

Bootique Fitness / Barry’s Bootcamp / Blunt Force

If you’re a lady looking for other ladies to motivate your fitness, I highly recommend Bootique Fitness.  A women’s only, outdoor boot-camp, you get SO MUCH for your money.  Multiple locations with morning and evening classes, you’re able to find your inner fit babe from their program all day, every day, in the great outdoors.  BONUS:  As a Bootique member, you’re also able to attend their Zumba classes for FREE!  I am a big fan of being strong, but I have fallen in love with the dance!  I dare you to try it.

A friend of mine also turned me onto Barry’s Bootcamp.  Another strength based boot-camp style workout, Barry’s pushes you to the MAX.  A 60 minute workout, your instructor splits the class between the dreaded treadmill and the floor.  Each day is a different muscle group and it’s not for the faint of heart.  You’ve got to work.  They are bit more expensive, but if you’re going consistently, you’re paying for results.  But have a I ever mentioned how much I hate running?  I love the calories I burn in their classes, but I dread those sprints.

In January, I bought a Groupon for Blunt Force Training.  They have some KILLER group boot-camps with rotating Trainers.  No two workouts are the same.  They also offer Strength classes, Yoga and Boxing!  I have never left that gym without feeling like I just got my ass kicked.  They are friendly, motivating, fun and the clients come in all ages, shapes and sizes!  The gym also has several Personal Trainers that have clients throughout the day.  Team Fit Chick, with coaches Alysha White and Kasey Wilson, train their competitors out of this gym too.  I’d call this one a one stop shop.  And the Unlimited Membership is a steal at $99/month.  Personal Training and competing are an additional cost.

THE STANDARD GYM

24 Hour Fitness / Chuze Fitness / Planet Fitness

I’m not going to take a ton of time between each of these gyms.  I know that some gyms offer fancy pools and saunas…but I would rather get a facial or massage from a specialist so I am all about the basics.  Most standard gyms have the same equipment and cardio systems, so for me, it’s all about the cost.  24 Hour Fitness is the most expensive of the three gyms I’ve been a member of, ranging from $30-$60/month.  At $10/month, for their basic membership, Chuze Fitness and Planet Fitness take the cake.  The only setback is most locations don’t have free barbell weights.  I like to lift heavy, but not for nearly $30/month more, so this isn’t a deal breaker.  Make sure you take a tour of the facility and really understand the equipment before you get started.  You want to make sure you get the most for your money!  Plus, most gyms are creating awesome circuit areas for you to get an awesome 30 minute Circuit Training session in.  BOOM!

——————————————————————–

I hope this helps you make a better decision for your fitness.  Feel free to share your own experiences in the comments.  I would love to hear your recommendations!

Breakup Survival Mode

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

How to Survive a Broken Heart

Ten not-so easy steps to help you through the rough spots.

Facebook Official Relationship Failure 101

1.Go through the motions

No, seriously.  You probably smell.  My mom always used to tell me to take a shower when I was sick, but it always seemed like way too much effort.  Well, 32 years of listening to her and now it’s my turn to give the same advice.  YOU ARE WORTH THE EFFORT.  Get up in the morning.  Take a shower.  Brush that mane.  Heck, brush your teeth since you’re on a roll!  Tell yourself that you deserve to take care of yourself.  I’m serious.  Say it out loud to yourself in the mirror.  Every morning will get a little easier and you won’t have to force it.  If you don’t have a routine, now is a good time to create one.    

2.Limit Social Media

Breakups just aren’t what they used to be.  With Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc…you can’t escape the constant temptations to check up on your ex.  I mean, we all do it.  Did he change his relationship status yet?  Am I still in his profile photo?  Did he untag all of our photos?  Who cares.  He decided to leave you.  You deserve to be with someone who would be with you NO MATTER WHAT.  And as much as you think it will help, defriending them isn’t always the cure.  Unfortunately for this post…I’m still figuring out what is.  

3.Join a gym

Taking care of your body is important.  If you don’t want to or can’t join a gym, get active and get the endorphin juice pumping!  

Summer is approaching and let’s be serious…you want a hot body for many reasons.  But right now, #1 being that you want to look like a SUPER FOX in case you run into your ex.  But remember, he shouldn’t solely miss you because of your hot body, just sayin…

4.Phone a friend

You know you’re obsessively checking the phone every time you get an alert.  You know that you’re hoping that it’s him every single time.  You know you want to call him.  You know you want to text him.  

Wellllllllll…you actually want him to do those things…#details.  

Do yourself a favor and designate a couple people to be your INSTEAD PERSON; because sometimes, all you’ll need to say is, “I’m calling you instead of (insert name of person who doesn’t realize what they are missing here).”  If they are a good friend, they will say and do all the right things.  Even if that’s telling you that it’s time to get over it and move on.

5.CRY

Feeling those terrible, ugly feelings is necessary.  It’s not what you want to hear and you will always look for a distraction, but it’s all part of the process.  Go all sorts of Kim Kardashian…cry like no one is watching.

6.LAUGH

Listen to a comedy station on Pandora.  Go see an improv comedy show.  Call your funniest friend.  Life will go on and the world will keep on spinning.  There are so many amazing and beautiful moments in this world to celebrate.  Just because you’re heartbroken, doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a good belly laugh.  Don’t they say that laughter is the best medicine?  

Well, I happen to think it’s true.

7.Do better

With every relationship, hopefully you have learned something.  Whether it’s what you want in a partner,  how to love and be loved or something you will never settle for again…LEARN FROM THE RELATIONSHIP.  Do better.  Be better.  You should never settle for anything less than you want and deserve.  And that bar should be pretty darn high.  Remember?  You’re worth the effort.

8.Some days are better than others

Time to buy stock in yoga pants.  Sometimes putting pants on is way too much effort.  You’re going to rock your glasses, a high bun, yoga pants and his old t-shirt.  That’s okay.  It’s okay to fall apart.  

Just remember to always go back to step one.

9.Read

“It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken“.

You can thank me later.

10.Let go

The only person you have control over is yourself.  So although letting go seems impossible, it’s necessary.  It doesn’t mean you don’t love him anymore…it just means you love yourself more.  The best revenge is allowing yourself to live your life EXACTLY the way you want it to be.

warts and all

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

Last night, some friends invited me to join them at the Infinite Monkey Theorem and I was stoked!  I work for a company that serves their sparkling wine on tap, and now that I am a resident of Denver, it’s been on my bucket list of places to visit.  This place is ridiculously cool.  As you make your way through the venue, you’ll find yourself surrounded by smiling faces drinking all sorts of “adult grape juice”.  I only tried their Sauvingnon Blanc, which I did enjoy, and a decorative bonus is that the bottle design is rad.

(This is not the bottle design I mentioned, I just think their branding is delicious.)

So, this particular Friday, they had a jazz band and swing dancers offering up lessons.  Apparently, they also offer yoga classes for $20 (glass of wine included…score!!), and all sorts of other delightful events.  My friends and I march to the beat of our own drums, and although we enjoyed either watching or participating in the dancing, we eventually made our way back to the front room.  I just so happened to walk in on a game of Truth or Dare.  Oops.

These peeps of mine can be crazy.  Actually, we ARE crazy, but in the best kind of way.  I love them. So, when it came to be my turn, I chose truth.  “SO BORING”, you might be saying…but c’mon.  Let me have a warm up round!  At this point we were daring each other to do the grocery cart dance move through then entire venue solo, or to sit alone and yell, “PENIS!!”, as loud as possible across the room.  I wanted a warm up.  My question caught me by surprise.  “Do you like living in Denver?”, she asked.  Gosh.  I really didn’t know what to say.   I hadn’t really thought about it.  I mean, I’ve only been in Denver for three months.  “Not yet.”, I replied.

Don’t get me wrong.  Denver is amazing, and I’m sure the rest of Colorado is too, and I know that I will love it in good time.  I’ve never seen a state show so much pride.  The only exception might be Washington, where I’m originally from.  The Seahawks winning the Superbowl in 2014 was life changing for us.

#gohawks

But, I digress.  Back to Denver.

Let me explain.  I have already uprooted myself once before.  Back in 2008, I moved to San Diego, CA.  Prior to that move, I had never lived more than two hours away from home.  It was a big deal, moving to California, and incredibly hard to feel settled.  I’ll never forget my college sweetheart telling me to “do something”.  Well, I certainly did!  The transition from Washington to California was brutal.  It took me three years to feel like I had built a home there, and three years after that, to feel like I was actually home.  I wasn’t always the best version of myself there, I always knew I would leave at some point, and I made a lot of mistakes…but just when I had begun to fall in love with not only myself, but my life in So-Cal…BOOM!  Life happened.

I had/have been work for an amazing Colorado based company, and my job offered to bring me here…to Denver, Colorado.  P-R-O-M-O-T-I-O-N!!  Woo!!  THIS move has been much easier, and I’m lucky to now be working with many of the people I have built relationships with over my last three years with this company.  But, relocation still isn’t easy (no matter how many people you already know). and everyday I have to remember that it takes effort to maintain these friendships.  I didn’t think I would miss San Diego as much as I do and I also didn’t think I would be this lonely, especially when I’m surrounded with an amazing group of people that I have already known for years.

But this is exactly where I am supposed to be right now.  And all of the moments in my life have lead me here.  I’m forever grateful for all the people here who, I’m sure, will make me FALL IN LOVE with Denver and Colorado in no time.  And I will certainly never forget all the people and memories that have brought me to this point.

Anyway, this post got a little too “Lifetime Movie Network” for me, because sob story this is not.  But life is about the journey and right now, I might be lonely sometimes, but I’m kicking some serious bootie!! I’m super thankful for my friends, near and far, new and old, and my amazing family.  Even an old flame has recently helped me see that all I have to do is open myself up to all the amazing things this life of mine has to offer.  I finally see what it means to be the person I want to be, and now I just need to let myself be loved and seen for the person I am.

Warts and all.

into that fitness thing

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

Today was one of those “I kicked some ass” days.  Those days are AWESOME!!

  I’m currently training for my second fitness competition.   On June 20th, 2015, in Denver, Colorado, I will be stepping on stage for TWO divisions.   Diva Fitness Model and Diva Bikini model.  Holy balls.  I couldn’t be more pumped.

My first showwas August, 2013.  I attended the WBFF World’s in Las Vegas.  I competed in the Diva Bikini model division.  It was one of the coolest and most terrifying things I have ever accomplished.  Walking out onto that stage though, I was a winner.  I mean, I didn’t actually win.  I didn’t even place.  This was the Superbowl of fitness competitions.  There were over 200 girls competing in my category alone.  But I didn’t do the competition to win.  My trainer for that show, Nicholas Marion, would probably cringe if he heard me say that.  But it’s true!!  I won the second I decided to change my lifestyle.  I won first place the second I stepped on that stage!

From before photo, to day of show photo (pre-spray tan and hair), was 16 weeks.

I did some WORK!

@nmfitness

@nmfitness

That year was a rough one.  I had moved, gone through a breakup and wasn’t healthy or taking care of myself.  One could say I wasn’t making the best choices.  But, I listened to Nicholas and I kept my head up.  I kept the weight heavy and I made it.  I changed my life and my body.  I felt sexy and strong and I tapped into a part of myself that I didn’t even know existed.  Even the support I had in the gym from members was amazing.  Nicholas’s gym, formerly Urban Athletica, brought great women into my life.  Those girls know who they are.  I wouldn’t have made it without them.  We don’t stay connected like we used to (life happens like that sometimes), but I still look back on the support and love they gave me and shake my head with how lucky I was.  Good friends are hard to find.

That time changed my life.  I did all the hard work.  I DID THAT!

Nobody can ever take that away from me.

My lifestyle isn’t for everyone, and please don’t think that because I’m a training as a fitness competitor that I am super wrapped up in how I look.  Or that I’m telling you how to live your life.  Or that I think my story is more important than anyone else’s.  To my mother’s displeasure, I can fart, burp and talk about poop with the best of  ’em. and I’ll always choose comfy pants.  Tacos and ice cream will always be my favorite food groups and I know that there is a terrible amount of pain and struggle in the world.  I simply want to share this part of my life because it makes me feel good.  It helps me with my own pain and struggles.

We all fight out own battles and struggle with our own demons.

 This is my way of  making me feel like I’m accomplishing something.  This is my way of making a difference.  I just happen to start with myself.  If I’m the best version of me, I can do anything.

Like I mentioned in a previous post…I’m not a girl with an outstanding story.  I’m just constantly learning how to fall in love with myself and this is part of my process, this is part of my journey.  I’m setting goals, and  plan to squash them.  I’m strong.  I’ve finally surrounded myself with people who support me and believe in me.  And I’m also constantly learning to LET THEM!!  Life is a process.

 I am a powerhouse.  I can do anything.

Watch me.

You can also follow my journey on instagram @misstaymarie

Oh, yes, well…HELLO THERE!

~ taytertalks ~ Leave a comment

My story isn’t anything special.  I don’t have a news worthy life.  I’m not famous, nor do I have thousands of followers on multiple social media platforms.  I’m simply a woman who took a little longer to fall in love with herself than she would have liked.  Eh, life happens like that sometimes.

That’s me (on the right) and my best friend.  She’s silly.  You’ll hear about her A LOT.

So. this is my journey, and I’m probably like millions of people.  Just someone who has something to say and hoping that someone is listening that needs to hear it.

This will be a collection of many stories.  Some good, some bad.  Some I may wish I never told.  Feel free to join me if you wish.  I can’t guarantee that I will always be entertaining, but I can promise to always be honest.  I’m not perfect, and I hope you aren’t either.

—————————————————————————————-